Airlines to Charge $45.00 Volcano Eruption Fee

Airlines are rushing to implement their newest “revenue enhancement,” a $45.00 Volcano Flight Interruption Fee.

A spokesman claimed, “We see this as a benefit for our travelers. This way only the passengers who wish to continue their trip will have to pay for it. Some travelers may decide to seek alternate transportation to their destination and they will not be charged this fee. Of course, they will incur a $50.00 Seeking Alternate Transportation Fee, and the $20.00 vacant seat fee.”

When asked what an airline ticket actually purchased, the spokes person replied, “People are under the mistaken impression they are buying transportation, but there is no way we can actually get them anywhere for what we charge, so essentially the price of a ticket buys passengers the right to be charged for all the things it takes to actually run an airline.”

“And how is this working out for you?” we asked.

“I am proud to report, that by implementing these fees and with the concessions we have received from the pilots, mechanics, and flight attendants unions, we were able to keep our executive compensation right where it needs to be.”

More later.