Texas Best Lawyers 2009 – Hmmmmm

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law

I don’t know about you, but I am suspicious of ranking any group whose JOB is to find loopholes.

Woodward/White, Inc. publish this list and have a trademark on “Best Lawyers.” This reminds me of Hallmark Cards, who created Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Grandparent’s Day. (I’m sure their lawyers are kicking themselves they didn’t have the foresight to trademark those names.)

Now on to the fine print (they all love this!) First there are 78 specialty areas, including “Bet-The-Company Litigation,” “Collaborative Law: Family Law”, “Family Law”, and “Family Law Mediation”, all separate categories, and “Criminal Defense” is divided into “White-Collar” and “Non-White-Collar” specialties. (Can you say politically correct?) It’s beginning to look like the list of Emmy Awards categories.

Some lawyers have an issue with humor that pokes fun at their profession: I once told SMU Law Students that I was an adjunct professor there, teaching a course in “Effective Yellow Page and Late Night TV Advertising,” but about half thought I was serious. (I probably missed an income opportunity.)

But back to the fine print: Here’s a great find, “The nomination pool for the 2009 edition consisted of all lawyers whose names appeared in the previous edition of Best Lawyers...” Kind of a once a best lawyer, always a best lawyer deal.

And this tidbit, “In general, lawyers were asked to vote only on nominees in their own specialty in their own jurisdiction. Lawyers in closely related specialties were asked to vote across specialties, as were lawyers in smaller jurisdictions. Where specialties are national or international in nature, lawyers were asked to vote nationally as well as locally.” Whew! Sounds like a lawyer wrote that! I think this means everyone got to vote…  pretty much on everyone else.

And I was surprised to learn that some lawyers had four or five different specialties, and still were one of the best in every category! These folks are amazing!

More from the “fine print,” Listings cannot be bought, and no purchase is required to be included.” and later, “While it is true that the lists may at times disproportionately reward visibility or popularity...” Good! some needed candor!, but then they spoil it with a little gratuitous back-slapping, “…the breadth of the survey, the candor of the respondents, and the sophistication of the polling methodology largely correct for any biases.” This will no doubt be a disappointment to the lawyer who bought the cover, and the inside-cover and the next page and has another story on page eleven.

And all this is part and parcel of Status Games, for some deep-set reason we all love poking at the self important. And while all the lawyers we know personally are probably OK, as a profession they have a reputation for… stuffiness? There are other, stronger, words that some would use.

More fun from the mailbox soon! Meanwhile, subscribe (for free!) leave comments (for free!) hire me to speak at your next event (for fee!)