Exercising the What Ifs

A real key to seeing the funny, is seeing the “What ifs.” Here is something you can do to help develop those “What If” muscles.

The game is called “Objects” and requires the name of a small inantimate object. Then you open the gate and let your mind off the leash.

For example:

What can you do with a No.2 wooden pencil:

The first thing that comes to mind is that the Mirado pencil was actually named the Mikado until WWII when it was felt anti-Japanese sentiments would hurt sales, so the the K was changed to an R. But beyond that, there are so many things you can do with a  pencil.

1. Sharpened and stood upright they become the stockade fence of a fort
2. If you have to move something heavy then you can lay them down and make a little log rolling device, use the actually round ones rather than the octagonal ones for best results.
3. Several of them spliced together create the frame of a kite.
4. About a million of them lashed together make a great raft for escaping that island in Lost
5. Take a hundred or so and lay them out in a circle with the erasers touching and you can make a great Sun mask
6. Speaking of erasers, if your sneakers just aren’t sneaking anymore because the soles are worn out, then fifty or sixty erasers from pencils, glued on the bottom of your shoes can make them like new!
7. Drill a couple of holes in pencils and run a string through them and you can make a great “log” bridge for GI Joe.
8. All those pencils that you took the erasers from for your sneakers? The empty metal eraser shell can make a great biscuit cutter for your GI Joe’s mess hall.
9. Break a finger? A couple of pencils can make a great splint.
10. Lose your cleats for the track meet? Not to worry, cut the points from ten pencils and insert them into the holes for your cleats and you’re good to go!
11. Escaping from a high-security facility at night? Rub the graphite from a few pencils on your face for camouflage.
12. Need axles for an old toy car? Pencils!
13. Need tank treads for GI Joe’s tank? Cut pencils into three pieces and string some wires through two holes drilled in each piece and there’s your new tread.
14. I’ve always thought with enough pencils, a replica of the Eiffel Tower would be really easy.
15. Fifteen thousand pencils glued together can make a great desk
16. If you are into the tricks of the fakirs – 333 pencils with the sharp end up make for a great bed of “nails”
17. Some white tape and a pencil makes a great replacement ear-piece for your glasses or shades.
18. Tent Pole – for GI Joe, or enough of them with some duct tape and it works for your tent too.
19. Archimedes original quote was “With a big enough pencil and a fulcrum point, I could move the world.
20. Trapped in a prison cell? Take the lead out of a pencil and get a needle, dip it in poison (that may be tough) and then use the pencil as a blow gun to subdue the guards.
21. Of course you might just use the deleaded pencil as a straw.
22. In these days of high energy prices how about using pencils as heating fuel?
23. Why stop there? Enough pencils and a boiler and you’ve got steam baby!
24. Tent pegs.
25. Golf tees.
26. Shaped and painted white? False teeth!
27. Unique jewelry for piercings
28. No need to spend money on those expensive wooden roller window shades. enough pencils strung together…
29. And of course a great use for the used up pencil stubs is a “beaded” curtain! So retro! So cool!
30. Rub two together to make a fire.
31. A small arrow for a small bow.
32. Now you try.

The idea is not that any of these make sense, but just stretch us into seeing a few more of the possibilities. You can try it while driving, while stuck in traffic, as a warm up to writing.

Here are some small objects to get you started:

1. A key
2. A red rubber ball
3. Rubber band
4. Paper Clip
5. Drinking Straw
6. Paper Plate
7. A sock
8. Paperback book
9. Shoelace
10. A pillow

This may even have pratical applications: The first beer koozy (those thick insulators for cans) was cut and made from an old scuba diving wetsuit… by a thirsty scuba diver, tired of drinking warm beer.

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