The Great Day of His Wrath by John Martin
JJ Kennedy at EvilGenius has a great post today that addresses the issue of poor timing.
This prompted me to think about some of my ill-advised attempts at humor.
In eighth grade the bus stopped about a block from my home, a fact that will be important in just a moment. I had just heard what I thought was a great joke and was looking for a place to tell it.
I got off the bus with Jimmy, who was six inches taller and fifty pounds heavier than me. Jimmy was a nice guy, but had a temper, and didn’t play football anymore because of these anger management issues.
As we stepped off the bus I turned to Jimmy and asked “Hey! Is your Mom pregnant?”
Jimmy said “No.”
I replied, “Wow! You’re a lucky motherf***er”
At this moment I realized I had made a mistake, a big mistake.
Jimmy did not think this joke was funny at all.
I noticed the look in his eyes, and suddenly, the short walk home seemed like a marathon. I heard the pounding of his feet as I ran for my life down the block. He was yelling something, but I chose not to stop and ask him to repeat it.
Jimmy moved pretty fast for a big guy, and with my joke as inspiration, he was making good time. I gained a few feet on him making the corner into my driveway, his greater mass carried him past the turn. I prayed Mom had left the garage door unlocked. I wondered how I would explain the broken door if Jimmy failed to stop, but then realized my dead broken body would be explanation enough…
I slammed the door behind me and leaned against it, thinking at least I could protect my Mother from the raging, out of control Jimmy. His face appeared at the little window in the door, but thankfully, he did not see me. (Cowering in abject fear has its advantages.)
It grew silent outside, and I slowly peeked out the window, expecting at any moment the crashing of a fist through the thin door panels, the feeling of fingers around my throat and the scraping of my body as he pulled me out through the small hole his fist had made.
He was gone.
So the lessons to be learned are:
- Consider your audience.
- Consider the appropriateness of your material.
- And consider how far you will have to run to safety.
Share your humor mis-fires in comments. And dog-gone-it subscribing is still free!
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on Mar 4th, 2009 at 5:50 am
Funny. Great lesson learned!
on Mar 4th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Thanks for the laugh this morning. Great way to illustrate your point. If only you could go back in time and tell your childhood self: “Don’t worry! this will make a great blog post one day!”
on Mar 4th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Sherry
An fortunately for me it was not a painful one.
Kat
Welcome! Yes I subscribe to the theory that what doesn’t kill us makes for a good story!
on Mar 5th, 2009 at 1:25 am
lol. I’m gonna have to remember that one. Let’s just hope my choice of victim(s) will be a bit better than yours. Thanks for the laugh.
on Mar 5th, 2009 at 5:29 am
nice one!! and moral of story was even much better,,,, ;-D….
on Mar 5th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Nice Post. I have numerous embarrassing tales to tell, if I could remember them. Seems like most of them have happened online where hiding in fear is not really needed.
Good thing you lived to tell the tale.
Beamer
on Mar 5th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Holy mackerel, ill-advised humor is my middle name!
And every time I put my foot in it, I call my best friend Christine and tell her what I have just said. There is dead silence for a few seconds and then Christine’s voice sighs “You just never learn, do you?”.
Here is my most recent. Someone sent me a tasteless joke before the inauguration. Naturally, I found it hilarious.
The body of the e-mail quite seriously and with much credibility, announces that the sender (which will be me) has extra tickets to the inauguration, but it is first come first served, so they have to respond FAST. It also says I will be arranging special transportation which might be a little cramped.
You scroll down and there is a picture of a truck in the African desert, overloaded with cargo and about 100 natives.
Hardy har har.
Only when I sent it to about 20 people, the picture didn’t come out. So all these people took me totally seriously and I had to explain the joke and dash the hopes of these excited individuals.
I was so upset I was in tears. Because I hate practical jokes or anything that makes people feel foolish or gullible.
That was my latest, but I know there will be oh so many more.
on Mar 5th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
John: yes, my choice of victims has improved!
Guarav: Yes, and now we have GPS devices to help us gethome even faster.
Beamer: The anonymity of the web is an illusion, beware of victims seeking revenge!
Marie: If one doesn’t like the occasional taste of “foot” one shouldn’t attempt humor! Hang in there. (And I still think you should post the story we discussed!)
on Mar 6th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Dan,
The hand full of people I shared my…er…’story’ with seem to find it absolutely hilarious. Including my THERAPIST, who almost fell out of her chair laughing. Such empathy.
So, despite the cost to my self esteem and the certain horrified reaction of my stodgy attorney son, I am leaning towards sharing it for the good of mankind’s funny bone.
on Mar 7th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
In this case, taking the self esteem of the audience into account is important it seems…isn’t that always the case though? It seems like a big mouth bass can make some people feel down in the dumps.
on Mar 7th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Have you ever seen friend (???) JIMMY, your best friend after this incident. Anyhow, I enjoyed the JIMMY running.
on Mar 7th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Marie: Go for it!
CB: Self esteem certainly had an impact on self-preservation this time.
Dollardude: Jimmy was a good frined, not my best friend at the time. I saw him again, We were OK.
on Mar 8th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Especially with sarcasm, we have all fallen flat on our faces. It’s not as easy as it looks.
on Mar 9th, 2009 at 3:30 am
That’s really poor timing and I guess unlucky to have a very short tempered friend.
on Mar 9th, 2009 at 6:21 am
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