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My birthday is coming up soon, and I expect to get birthday greetings from DefensiveDriving.com.
Doesn’t everyone?
I have lost count of how many defensive driving courses I have taken, but the count is over fourteen.
I took my first one the month they were approved for the dismissal of tickets in Texas. At the time you could take one every two years. And I successfully timed my speeding tickets to coincide with this limit. When the legislature lowered the time limit to allow one per year, I upped my participation too.
The result of all this is a clean driving record, and a lot of knowledge about Defensive Driving.
There was the eighty year old instructor who told us many accidents happen while backing-up, so if we didn’t back-up we could lower our risk of accidents. We all laughed. But in the years since, I have backed into a Corvette, and a telephone pole and my son has backed into a Cadillac. Oh, that I had listened to that sage old man!
Eighty Year Old Guy also told us the order in which we should hit things with our car if we have no choice but to hit something. If I remember correctly it was:
- Hit something moving the same direction as you are.
- A glancing blow on something soft and stationary.
- A glancing blow on something hard and stationary.
- A direct hit on something soft.
- A direct hit on something hard.
- Only as a last resort hit something moving the opposite direction as you are. Since the impact force increases geometrically.
Fortunately, unlike backing into the Corvette, I have not had occasion to test this knowledge.
I have taken classes given by cities, by individuals, and by driving schools, I have taken Comedy Defensive Driving twice, (no, it was three times,) the video course once and on-line Defensive Driving at least three times.
The benefit of all this knowledge is that, I know exactly what I am doing wrong behind the wheel at any given moment. This clarity is probably not the goal of Defensive Driving.
A second result, is that I also know what stupid things other drivers are doing too. This does not make me a calmer driver.
My father in law does not believe in seat belts or speed limits, and has helped send his traffic attorney’s children to college. I have witnessed Arlene sitting calmly in the passenger seat while her Dad used the left hand shoulder to pass a slow moving pickup truck. On the other hand, even with my vast Defensive Driving credentials, she will tense up and grab the armrest when I don’t brake quickly enough to suit her. Go figure.
I understand Florida has a lifetime limit of five courses. Thankfully Texas believes there is always hope… that the fifteenth, or maybe the sixteenth, class will be the one that finally sticks. God bless Texas.
Hey! I’m not alone am I? How many Defensive Driving Courses have you had? Let me know in comments. And, of course, free subscriptions are available.
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on Feb 13th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Fourteen times???? Oh, my gosh!
on Feb 13th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
I’ve actually only taken the test once as I’ve yet to get a ticket *knock on wood*. Every time a cop pulls me over something tends to happen, like a mutual friend of us both walking down the street, and I get off.
If anything does happen I’m lucky to have a friend in the secret service who has supplied me with a federal pba card
.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
I’m humbled by your extensive experience in those classes! perhaps they should be requiring you to teach the classes now.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 2:03 am
I haven’t taken any defensive driving courses.
But THE SAME WEEK that I got a notice that my insurance was going down for no accidents, I backed into a parked car…
*sigh*
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 3:57 am
i ran a red on my driving test and was given a license anyway. drove around getting lost and random road rage for a year until graduation and left the state for good ole ny right after. haven’t driven once in 12 years or so (but the license is still good!). if only there was a defensive walking class that could get me out of a jaywalking ticket. forgot to pay it and that damn thing had me spend a day in a holding cell…that was fun.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 5:35 am
Dan,
I noticed you visited my site, so I decided to visit yours. I will add you in MyBlogLog too now that I have found and enjoyed your site and sense of humor.
I am an American Expat Living in Davao, Philippines. I have always loved humor, telling jokes and showing the lighter side of life.
Here Filipinos sense of humor is so different, I have trouble finding where their sense of humor resides. As you can guess, it puts a damper on my joking, or else I get a strange look, a Huh, or just an OK, knowing they do not understand at all.
Here is one funny observation I have found here in the Philippines. When Filipinos use a toothpick they will cover their work with their free hand but will walk down the street picking their nose. To me, I would rather see the toothpick.
I hope you enjoyed American in Davao
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Sherry:
It’s looking more and more like I am all alone at 14….
Justin:
I have been pulled over and ticketed, twice, by men who grew up with and knew my father well…
Chat Blanc
I have considered teaching, especially the Comedy Defensive Driving, but I think my comprehensive experience and knowledge is intimidating to course providers…
Angelika
Been there, done that…
Chris
Let’s get together.. Defensive Walking may be a vast untapped treasure trove!
Bruce,
International humor is a minefiled.. Thanks for visiting!
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
As far as I know, Michigan doesn’t offer these courses.
I wish they did; I coulda used it a few years ago during my excessive spurt of speeding tickets.
They say red cars get stopped more often. It’s true. I got stopped so many times with that red car, so many tickets that the state sent me a letter saying I’d lose my license if I got one more ticket.
I got rid of the red car, and haven’t had a speeding ticket since.
Interesting.
I love the part about how Texas always has hope that maybe the 15th time will stick. Or the 16th. Or…
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
it sounds like you’ve been accidentally taking OFFENSIVE driving lessons. Wrong class for the right man.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Janna:
It can also happen in a yellow Mustang Mach 1.
I believe that lead to course number four…
Dana
The defense is often a good offense
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Dan, your driving is positively librul! Hmmm…..I recall taking one of those courses years ago. And, i;ve had a # of speeding tickets. But for the most part, in spite of my luv of speed, I have been very lucky, and have also talked my way out of more than a few tickets.
nicole
on Feb 16th, 2009 at 12:40 am
Nicole
I have it on good authority that women are able to talk themselves out of more tickets than men, because keep abreast of certain issues and are not afraid to make use of their assets. That, and I understand some just cry. These ticket avoidance techniques have not been covered well in any of my Defensive Driving courses!
on Feb 16th, 2009 at 12:57 am
Looks like I have a new blog to follow. Very enjoyable. Funny and good information. And quotes Kris Kristopherson to boot.
Re defensive driving – I took a course years ago. Not an option for speeding tickets in Saskatchewan though.
Thanks for dropping by my blog. I owe Dana for the publicity.
on Feb 16th, 2009 at 1:30 am
If I recall correctly I’ve taken 1 defensive driving class and it was when I first moved to Chicago.
Some time after that I backed up my boat of a Mercury Marquis Station Wagon (WITH the fake wood paneling on the sides) into a brand spanking new black BMW. Hey, I was going for a coveted open parking space 3 doors down from my apartment, what can I say?
Somehow I talked the driver into telling his girlfriend or mistress or whomever in the passenger seat to stop calling 911. He didn’t see a scratch and told me to forget about it, but I insisted on exchanging insurance information. I promptly called my insurance agent when I got up to my apartment to report it. I’d check in with her almost weekly for several months and the guy never made a claim. Dodged a bullet on that one!
on Feb 16th, 2009 at 6:26 am
Fortunately only one
How about if you had to hit something, spin out to hit it with the rear of the car?
on Feb 16th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Blog Fodder:
(Is that a play on Godfather?) The Valentine’s Day Cartoon was perfect! Too bad about Saskatchewan, it may be one of those places that expects people to learn to learn to drive before getting their license.
Lola:
With that kind of luck, I hope you are buying lottery tickets!
Frank:
Nice thought. Eighty Year Old Guy did not mention it, but i htink it is covered in the advanced Defensive Stunt Driving course!
With all the inspections needed by banks when properties are repossessed and by new owners when bought again… you may able to retire early in a few years.
on Feb 16th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
This was so funny..I’ve not taken any classes at 62 I probably should however so far so good.
Thanks for visiting our blog..
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
on Feb 17th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Dorothy:
Thanks for stopping by. My brother in law is 50 this year and has never had a ticket in his life. A nice guy, but obviously an underachiever by my standards.
on Feb 17th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
LOL, Dan!! Try batting your eyelashes, and a slight smile.
on Feb 17th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Now now Nicole, that tactic may work in a sissy state like California, but here in Texas… I may never be seen again!
on Feb 19th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Lol. Great story. 3 points.
1. Please tell me where you live and your plate number so I can avoid you if I am ever in Texas.
2. I have backed into a corvette as well. Unfortunately, it was my own ‘vette and I was in my wifes car. Pissed BOTH of us off in one shot.
3. Consider switching cars. When I drove a TA, mustang, vette, or camaro, I got yearly tickets. I now drive a BMW z4. Same exact driver, same exact speed. No tickets for 6 yrs.
In your case, I’m gussing a Yugo or Prius might be your best option.
on Feb 19th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
JJ
I liked you… up until the Yugo/Prius comment.
As for #1: Just look for the flashing lights, and I’ll be there!
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
You have a High Five from me HERE.
on Feb 20th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Angelika:
And a High-Fi… oops sorry…. High…. uh… I was never very good at this….Can we just shake hands?
Thanks for the mention! I’m honored.
on Feb 23rd, 2009 at 9:32 am
Two thoughts for you, Dan:
1. If you can’t lighten up on the pedal, consider moving to sunny Oregon. Us webfoot drivers have figured out a little loophole in the speed laws: they only count if the state can afford enforcement! Seeing how we’ve got nearly a dozen state police officers to cover the entire expanse of Oregon, the odds are most definitely in your favor. Likewise, I’ve learned that parking signs may be safely ignored inside the Portland city limits unless that one meter maid on her Segway happens by sheer dumb luck to cruise your way. Highly unlikely.
One caveat: once you cross the bridge into Washington, drive as if you’re in a Buick full of nuns. Apparently, they have a bit more of their budget allocated to catching speeders… like, all of it.
2. Everything I know about defensive driving I learned the (almost) hard way by riding a motorcycle in San Francisco for years. Now, out of sheer force of habit, I look both ways several times before starting into an intersection, and even then I prefer to let the Escalade in the lane next to me test the waters. Can’t tell you how many times that’s saved my bacon.
on Feb 23rd, 2009 at 8:16 pm
Bill
What is this place called Oregon? it sounds like heaven!
I too, drive a big scooter, and all driving is defensive driving on 2-wheels.
Thanks for your comments.
on May 1st, 2009 at 3:54 am
Interesting – because that is the same thing I found out last week.
on May 3rd, 2009 at 7:13 am
The most thorough and informative information I have found. Enjoyed it immensely.
on Oct 26th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
They creap up on you and BAM! you got a ticket.
on Mar 25th, 2010 at 6:09 pm
Excellent post, I think you really hit the nail on the head!