Some call it the “Oh-No” factor. Not to be confused with Yoko Ono’s influence over John Lennon. It is that moment, right after we have said something, when we realize it was a big mistake.
A huge mistake.
A massive, career destroying, relationship ending, foot (and most of leg) in mouth mistake.
It is a “Wanna Get Away?” Southwest Airlines doesn’t fly far enough, fast enough mistake.
When humor goes bad, it can go really bad.
The best strategy is not to do it in the first place. Duh! This sounds so obvious, but really, once the words leave your lips, there is no recalling them. If you are lucky, most people won’t notice, but be assured that someone will always notice.
Let’s talk about damage control.
1. Bail.
You are in charge of your mouth and what you say. If you realize in the middle of a story/joke/example that it is sure-death waiting to happen.
Stop!
Drop something.
Spill your water.
Point to the back of the room and say, “Hey! Isn’t that Britney Spears?” then “Oh, sorry, my mistake.”
Get a blank look on your face and say “I can’t believe it, I just lost my train of thought.”
Then look at your notes and move on to your next point.
The point is they will forgive you for being human, for making a mistake… they may not forgive an inappropriate story or comment so quickly.
Remember, you don’t have to regret something you didn’t say.
2. It it is too late and the words have already left your face. Focus On The Escape, as I covered in a previous post. Keep it moving. Blow by the offensive bit and get on to the next topic as quickly as possible. Do your best not to refer back to that portion of your talk. At all costs avoid the “deer in the headlights” look of abject fear and panic, which serves to draw even more attention to the gaffe.
3. Use it as a bad example. Risky, really risky, but can be incredibly effective.
On stage we called this “Painting it red.” Depending on the audience, your topic, how egregious the error, and how fast you are on your feet. Point out how inappropriate the comment was, draw comments from the audience about how they would handle it, if they said it, it was said to them, or was said about them. If they don’t have any comments, you have to be prepared to give your own suggestions about why it is inappropriate and how to deal with it. I can’t stress enough how risky this is and it can blow up in your face pretty quickly if not handled well. It falls into the “I am a professional, do not try this on your own” category.
When In Doubt Leave It Out, is a philosophy that should guide not only your preparations, but guide you during your presentations as well. Constantly monitor audience reactions to your comments and adjust accordingly, on the fly if need be. Listen, before, during and after you speak. Gauge the group, the audience, the event, even world affairs can have an impact. For example, any humor involving high school had to be closely avaluated after Columbine and other incidents. We never speak in vacuum, anything can be relevant.
Have you ever said anything you regretted?
Share your examples and how you handled the situation in comments.
on Sep 24th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Self deprecation can often help deflect the boner and get the audience thinking not about the bomb you just laid, but something else. Or pretend it didn’t happen and charge ahead…kind of like the Bush administration.
peace,
mike
livelife365
on Sep 24th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Very good points, especially for a satirist to hear. I get myself in so much trouble. Arrrgghh!!! I shall try to only put my toe in my mouth, not my entire lower half. Thanks again and keep it up!
on Sep 24th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Jesster, I have made that same promise to myself soooo many times.
on Sep 24th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Mike,
Self deprecation is always the safest, and can get you out of jams at times.
I read your post on avocados. have you ever heard the Pico de Gallo song by Trout Fishing in America?
on Sep 25th, 2008 at 12:07 am
Dan-
As to your first piece of advice, Orson Welles used to tell a story about one of his many visits to potential investors. In the middle of telling a story, he lost his train of thought for real. Welles said he prayed, “God, if You get me out of this I will never ask You for anything again. Suddenly, a small earthquake rumbled the building! No one was hurt and, after the rumbler ended, Welles said, “Well, there’s no point in me finishing that story now”. Now THAT’S a “bail”
-MR
PS: Thanks for your kind words at “After Midnight”. We’re all in this together… = mr
on Sep 25th, 2008 at 4:33 am
Great Story Mike! I had not heard it before. Welles did a lot of radio in his career, and all radio was live at the time, no doubt that honed his improvisational skills.
and you’re welcome!
on Sep 25th, 2008 at 7:08 am
LOL…good advice! I think the really tricky part of it all is recognizing in the first place that you’re about to go where you shouldn’t.
I tend to be off the cuff, so things come out of my mouth before I even realize I said them.
on Sep 25th, 2008 at 7:30 am
Off the cuff has its own challenges – after years of doing improv onstage I developed a kind of built in 5 second delay – like the “live” television broadcasts.
Which just means I stick my foot in my mouth less often – unfortunately I am still too familiar with those OhNo moments.
on Oct 5th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
“Get a blank look on your face and say “I can’t believe it, I just lost my train of thought.”
I think this hint’s a keeper.
I do have an acquaintance who says WHATEVER THE HELL she wants and then follows it up quickly with a crazed giggle and a big “JUST KIDDING!” You’d be surprised with what she gets away with.
on Oct 6th, 2008 at 4:32 am
Grumpus,
I have friends who have never received a traffic ticket because of this talent for winning over whatever opposition there might be. Thanks!